Shattered Perfections...

Wise Words from a Descent Woman.....Ash.lay Cash.lay

2010-07-21T11:02:00.001-04:00

Just in case you missed the wise words from a descent woman yesterday.. Please allow me to rewind and reintroduce you to Ashlay. She's more then just a pretty face. Behind the random tweets, modelesque defaults, and West Coast swag you will find a truly motivated, charming, and artistic intellectual. Her words for me yesterday, were a quick pick me up. So once again I hope maybe they can reach you as well.

Visit Ashlay @ thecashlayproject.com or on twitter @LoveAshlay

#Shoutout to cool women, down to earth women, still fly even in the morning woman. If he didnt remind you I will... #iappreciateyou - Ashlay

To see other Ashlay Features -Click Here-

Checks and Balances: It's Not Just for Banks...

2010-07-19T00:09:00.001-04:00

On occasion, my friends and I take time from our busy schedules and decide to break the confines of social networking. In doing so, we manage to somehow... PICK UP A PHONE AND CALL EACH OTHER!!! Nonetheless, when it comes to one person, it never really matters what form of communication we use.. every conversation seems to always leave with a valued message. During today's session of #GirlTalk with @Kiadelis we spoke on the topic of friends and how its so important to have people who are really down for you, but that will also stand up to you. As Kia entitled it, "Checks & Balances: It's Not Just for Banks".

Good friends are not scared to call you out on your shit when you're wrong. They help you acknowledge your faults in certain situations and then help u balance it out. Now if your a person who can't take others respectfully correcting your errors, then you have lost all rights to call yourself a "Real B^tch or Real Ni@@a". A real friend should also not be scared to correct or chastise someones wrong doings. A wise person will respect you if you're able to tell them when their wrong.If you dont have that type of relationship with your "friends" where you're honest.. even when at fault.. you're not FRIENDS.. There is a need for #ChecksandBalances throughout all of life's experiences and in every relationship.

"Checks and Balances are in place for a reason. Realty checks will bring about balance."- Kiange

Letter To My Next...

2010-07-14T03:16:00.000-04:00

Dear Next,

I wont label you boyfriend, lover, or friend just yet, because I've learned to live with the least amount of expectations is key. I'm not sure how we'll meet, I don't know how long we'll be together, but there's just a few things I'd like you to know.

I'm a simple individual, yet so complex. It's the little things that matter to me, but I have a tendency to make a big deal out of them. I will more then likely be stand-offish at first, please do not let this deter you. If you truly think I'm worth it, you need to prove that you're worth it to me. I would love to say I will never compare you to anyone in my past, but that would be a lie. The context in which I do so will be harmless nonetheless. You see, like most females Ive been hurt before, so I use all past life lessons as a path to better my future. Now sir, I can sometimes get besides myself. I have a tendency to take on more then I can handle, but please stop me. Remind me that I'm only human and when I feel like I can't go on, remind me that you're there to carry me until I'm replenished. No worries, you can always be assured that if you ever fall, I'll be the first to catch you.

I wont lie, I love the finer things in life, but they're obtainment from you does not motivate or impress me. Be aware that I'm quite comfortable with providing for myself; I seek a loving mate, not a father. Yes, I'm a spoiled brat, but I've done quite well maintaining this trait on my own. I'm not looking for a sponsor, I'd like to go 50/50 on this .. ALL TRUST. You don't have to take me out on every date or always show up with a dozen of roses when I'm mad, but I ask that you do one thing, that you always show me the same respect that you would want me to show you. We don't need to speak everyday, I will understand that we are both hopefully working to further our careers, but I'd appreciate an occasional sappy txt/bbm/call/email every once in a while, telling me that you're thinking of me. If I'm serious about you, you'll more then likely be my last thought before bed and the first when I wake up. I sometimes may let you know this, please do not consider me corny, I'm a hopeless romantic that believes talk is cheap, how are you to know if I don't show you? No worries, I will not be one of those females who thinks within the first few months that this could possibly be my "forever". I understand that things change, people evolve, and nothing is ever promised. So, lets live in the moments of right now.

If you don't mind, please hold my hand/arm when walking down the street (unless its summer). If we're watching a scary movie, already know that I'm a punk, so hold me tight please. Whenever possible, grab my waist from behind, pull me close and whisper in my ear, kiss my neck and when the time is right you can even add those 3 words (NO rush). Lets agree to disagree, but also to discuss everything and to never go to bed mad. Please know that my family is my everything and that I do realize that we both had lives before one another. So with that in mind, lets agree to maintain weekly/monthly outings with our separate groups of friends, but if I ask you to come play Taboo on Couples Night.. Just grin and say, "Yes, Baby". Sir if anything, remember that birthdays mean the world to me. We don't have to do anything at all, but just make sure you're near and that you keep a smile on my face. Honesty is the best and ONLY policy. Communication is key, along with consistency. If you prove to lack in any of the three previously mentioned traits, please be aware that my Relationship A.D.D. will kick in. It's pretty hard to get me back after we've entered this phase.

I'm not perfect, but I'm me.. "Flaws and All". Im a work in progress in every sense of the term, but there is a piece of me that would like to possibly grow with you. I'm not sure when you'll come into my life or if it's even anytime soon, but I just thought I'd let you get to know a little bit about me, so you could prepare. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I promise.. It will be worth it.

Sincerely,

Kellz

...but you can call me Lil Mama ;o)

"On behalf of every man..Looking out for every girl..You are the GOD and the weight of her world"

2010-07-13T16:41:00.001-04:00

Today has been wacky since I awoke. From the time I opened my eyes and viewed a BBM message to the morning commute, until about 5 mins ago when I mistakenly shut my computer off without saving any of the data. As I sat down at my desk this morning, I tried to figure out why I was just "off" today and nothing hit close to home, until I opened up my day planner and read the date. July 13, 2010.

For most, just another day.. for me it is one that I'll never forget. The day my God-Father passed away. Granted it wasnt last year or even the year before, but that random Summer day in 1996 forever changed my life. It was the day the only real FATHER figure I knew left me forever. It is probably impossible for you to understand how that could still hurt more then a decade later. The true understanding only lies within those little girls who growing up, wanted nothing more then their father to be apart of their life. Mine wasnt, so instead my God-Father took on every role that he could to fill that void. Though he passed suddenly when I was 12, at the age of 26.. I still live every moment as if I'm that little girl who excels just to make him proud and I have a feeling, I'll continue to do such for the rest of my life.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

"On behalf of every man...Looking out for every girl..You are the GOD and the weight of her world..So fathers, be good to your daughters... Daughters will love like you do"-John Mayor

2010-06-21T00:00:00.001-04:00

You THINK You Know...but You Have NO Idea!!

2010-04-20T11:13:00.000-04:00

Tell me what do you see when you looking at me

On a mission to be what im destined to be

I've done been through the pain and the sorrow

the struggle is nothing but love

I'm a soldier, a rider, a ghetto survivor & all the above

ALL THE ABOVE!!!

"Tell me what do you see, when you looking at me... See me going through nothing.. See me living my dreams." This line within itself encompasses SOOOOO many of my thoughts. Sometimes as outsiders we are so quick to judge or rationalize others. Though we are not apart of their day to day affairs, while looking from the outside we determine the reflection of their life. We may see that their successful in their business affairs or they excel or maybe even fail at certain aspects of life.

Well.. "YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE"-Baby Mama Voice-

I often say, I wish I saw what other people see when they look at me. Because if I did, Id be a problem to reckon with. My friends hold me to the highest regard. I'm the go to person, the emotional support. When things are hectic I usually pray for stregnth to carry it all, not for it to be lightened. When people first meet me, they usually think I'm conceited. I think this is more because of the crew I chill with. My friends are made up of a bunch of confident, beautiful, successful woman, who on the outside looking in have everything together. Yet, we are the most over achieving, self doubting, and at times lol emtionally unstable group I know..#noshade. Nonetheless, we all find a way to excel where another may fail.

In my persepctive, from the INSIDE looking OUT.. I'm the girl who hangs with the pretty chicks lol. We've always been the "popular" crowd, but to me.. my appointment was just by association. When we go out, I play the background role. Not because they push me there.. but because thats me. In reality I'm the shy one, the care giver, the nurturer. I've never been flashy, but I carry myself in the highest regard. It's crazy beecause with all of this said.. I attract just as much attention as they do. Apparently others see something in me, that I have yet to truly find or appreciate. I still blush when given a compliment because in my eyes... I'm just Kelly.

Guys have never been a problem, school was always second nature to me. My over-achieving personality has always pushed my career motives ahead and rapidly.. Yet.. still... I dont see what they see. When people tell me, "When I first met you I just knew you were conceited." I laugh, because now that they know me.. they know I'm far from a "Mean Girl".. I just hang with a bunch of them :O).

Even at the age of 25, I'm still learning more and more about me. At the end of the day in my eyes, I'm still JUST Kelly. There's nothing special about me.. Im REGULAR in every sense of the word. Though I wish I saw what others see when they look at me.. "What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself"... I'm a work in progress :O)

--MUAH

Sometimes You Have to Learn How to Dance in the Rain!

2010-04-20T10:27:00.000-04:00

Faith- Again

"If I had to do it all again.. I wouldn't take away the rain.. 'Cuz I know it made me who I am"

Sometimes I have to sit back and just think of this person I'm becoming, but better yet of the individual Im leaving behind. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lost soul that God is leading in circles, just to see if I remember the path. By this I mean, I have a history of making the same mistakes repeatedly, not because I didnt learn my lesson per say, but because I always hold the highest regard that if I can change.. so can others. Nonetheless, change is something that has to be desired. If its not truly in you then the results will never be what you truly are looking for. With all of that said I found myself in a dark place yesterday where one thing after another just seemed to break my spirits. At this point I felt the need to sit down and converse with GOD for a moment. I kept asking why and saying how I didnt understand. At one point I told him I give up. When I finally got my emotions in order, wiped the tears, and stood back up I apologized. As I sat there and whined and told God of all the things that upset me, I realized all of the things I have going for me. Though they are not all in the department in which I wish they were, at the end of the day.. MY LIFE IS BLESSED!!!

Ironically enough within mintues Pandora became my lifeline. One of my favorite songs is Faith Evans- Again. The chorus within itseelf expresses my every emotion.. Though yes there are some things I wish I cou,d go back and re-do, in al reality they made me who I am. Made me appreciate certain people more. Some of my bad judgements taught me things I would have never learned if I didnt get scolded by the fire. So at the end of the day.....

Nobody knows what life may bring
It might make you happy it might make you sad
Sometimes yeah but I know
There's a reason for everything
But I know That's why I keep believing
Whatever is meant to be it's going to be

If I had to do it all again
I wouldn't take away the rain
'Cuz I know it made me who I am
If I had to do it all again
I've learn so much from my mistakes
That's how I know he is watching me.....

Respect Is Not Expected.. but it's Given Cus' its Real....

2010-04-12T22:44:00.003-04:00

I've been so random today with postings, but I guess its because I'm surrounded by the most random group of people. I have to say, I currently love the people I associate myself with. I had to learn that it's not about quantity, but more so about quality. And I must admit, I have a very qualified group of peers currently and I'm appreciative.

So do me a favor and check out some of the people who randomly inspire me on a daily basis. Visit my "Rolling With The Homies" Blog Roll to the right. You are guaranteed to find anything from relationship advice, make-up tips from qualified MUA's, natural beauty tips, gossip, fashion and EVERYTHING FABULOUS from the people who inspire me....to..... just... BE ME!!!! And they accept me... Flaws and All.

Thank you
-Shattered Perfections

"ROLLING WITH THE HOMIES >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Them seasoned haters give me salty looks ..... Lawry's

2010-04-12T22:11:00.003-04:00

So I've recently been having brief conversations with a couple of people in regards to chicks talking reckless or claiming to be something that they just clearly are NOT! When such antics occur people are quick to throw out the term, hate. Be it, oh she's just a hater because I have -insert bull here-. Or, nah dude tripping he just mad because -insert some drama about Keisha, Nicole, or NeeNee here-. It has come to the point where many of us sit back and laugh. The common personal opinion has turned into a gateway for others to feel as if they are going to try and "Make It" at your expense. I personally feel like the word "HATE" has been over used. I feel you should reach some level of success before you are granted some use of the word.

For example:

Females who brag about materialistic items, but are still living at home with their parents, (not because they want to, but because they have to).

How are we "hating" on the things that you have? Oh, that Louis bag, the one you spent your whole check on instead of a deposit for an apartment?

Males who brag about all the girls they're currently "messing with"

How are we "hating" on the fact that you already have two baby mamas, a chick you call wifey, and three chicks sending subliminals on twitter about each other?

You're at ALL the top parties, in ALL the flyest gear.

Yet your bills are 3 months past due and your still walking around with that prepaid phone?

They hating on you because he wants you and not them?

"Girl, What!?...Boo he left the club with her on THURSDAY, you on Friday, and I'm pretty sure that was ya best friend he was in V.I.P. with on Saturday.

All this to say, to call someone a hater, make sure its on some ~~shit~~ things that are relevant. You ladies and gents are throwing around the term so lightly to individuals who are already doing better then you. Let's step our game up in 2010. Let's stop bragging about the rims, X5, new Gucci belt, bag or the shoes you just got (with your last) and motivate each other to do and achieve more. Things like buying property, education, successful business endeavors, and other opportunities that move us ahead as a people.

The things some of you are bragging about.. WE'RE NOT IMPRESSED. Your body, your new car, toys, clothes, A-List friends, shoes... they will only get you so far. After that, what do you have? There's only so many times you can attempt to name drop or RT someone famous that you happen to know ~~or have slept with~~. Stop living off of other peoples success. Because when the lights fade, they can still carry their own. You on the other hand are standing there with the "salty looks...Lawry's"

To many times I've seen with my own eyes people down others for constantly lifting those around them. Your not a brown nose, if you're motivating others to achieve. You only become lame when you attempt to steal the identity of others to make yourself seem greater then what you are. Then again, I'm sure someone will say I'm just hating -shrugs- "To Each Is Own"

The Prettiest People Do the Ugliest Things...

2010-04-12T21:03:00.001-04:00

Just a moments thought...I've been trying to go an "unbiased" route with my blog, but then I remember.. ITS MY DAMN BLOG.. I'll do what the hell I want :O). So this is just MY OPINION.. but I've realized that in "SOME" cases it's very true, the prettiest people do the ugliest shit. I know a girl, omg she's beautiful, no homo (~~well my eyes are homo, and I'm secure enough with myself to say such~~). To the outside world you would think she has everything going for her. In reality, she's pure ~~bitch~~ EVIL. Let me make note, this is me in no way "hating" on her, this is a mere case study. In fact,ironically enough everything Ive done or people I've been in a relationships with ..she's tried her best to mimic every situation. Be it from certain career paths, to intentionally seeking out my exes to see if she could "change" the things in them that I did not like. Yea, pretty much I had my own Single Mixed Female and didn't really know it until it was too late. I know another person who people constantly admired because of their looks. Little do they know this person will smile in your face, but talk about you, the neighbor and they own momma in the same breath. Their attitude just sucks. From the way they treat others to the comments they make about their "friends" (please remember if people talk to you about others, they will talk to others, ABOUT YOU!)

With all of that said, I just find it crazy that its usually the people, be it male or female that you think, "wow their gorgeous, he seems to have it all together, she's about her shit"... that in the long run sometimes do the most outrageous things because their not happy with them self. They've been putting on this charade for others for so long when in reality their not content in their own life. They smile, they wave, their sport around their wealth (or the look of attempting to be wealthy) in a manor that presents a circus show to the average onlooker. Your amazed at their capabilities. In reality it's a smoke and mirror show. They build these defenses and rely on their outer beauty so people don't see how fucked up they really are inside.

Again, this wasn't a hate blog, just a personal opinion..to always remind myself and possibly others, the next time you're admiring someone from afar, everything isn't always what it seems.... All that glitters ain't gold..

Please remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can be the most gorgeous male or female, but if your attitude sucks, you still look like shit... just sayin -shrugs-

Why Did I Get Married? .. No Really!!

2010-04-12T15:29:00.002-04:00

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I still value all of the fairytales and morals that encompass this thing we call Marriage. To me the bond that two people commit to before GOD is larger then any girlfriend/boyfriend, fiance, Boo perception. When you stand before not only your family, but a higher religious power and vow to be honest, faithful and respect your mate, then in my eyes you do JUST that. Unfortunately, our generation has lost respect for this word, marriage. We now live in a world where married is the "new" single, but with better accessories (i.e. jewelry (wedding ring), assets (larger house, increased income).

Somewhere down the line we lost the meaning of what it meant to be married. Maybe that's because the real meaning of the word marriage differs immensely from the way in which it is interpreted in the Bible. Websters Dictionary defines marriage as, "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law." Somewhere in there the bibles view of showing respect, honoring your counterpart, remaining faithful, and putting your family above all else until DEATH DUE YOU PART, was sadly left out. When you leave out such a fundamental foundation, your left with exactly what Webster defines... a simple CONTRACT between two consensual individuals. Many young couples today are doing just that, entering contracts for all of the wrong reasons. Example, oh she's 6 months pregnant, let me just marry her and do the right thing. The right thing for who? Your entering this union, not based on Love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person, but because of an obligation. Everybody knows when you feel obligated to do something, you feel trapped, that uncomfort leads to various issues; and eventually the obligation wheres off.

Despite all of the reasons why people enter doomed marriages, I guess what bothers me is the blatant disrespect of the union. I'm the type of female to believe that once married, you get 150% effort from me to make this marriage work. I'm not saying I'd put up with anything to keep you, but I'd make sure all of the appropriate measures were taken before I left you. These days, we have parties of both sex's who knowingly commit adultery and in their eyes its okay. There willing to slide there ring off for random encounters at the local club. We have "men" who think, that as long as they take care of their home (i.e. pay bills, provide food and clothing) that their job is done.

Then you have individuals who knowingly seek out married counterparts. Hey, to each is own, but where is the respect. If he'll cheat on his WIFE with you, that doesn't make you any better then her. I'm not talking about those who are separated or taking that "lengthy Divorce process". I'm speaking about those who wear their "accessories" proudly while they wine and dine you. Ladies stop believing these false perceptions that men tell us. "Oh I want to leave, but i cant." "She just doesn't understand me like you do, but the kids...". If he wanted to be with you, he would. There is nothing confining a mans heart when it no longer wants to be involved, it simple just moves on. That's where we differ from men. We hold on, we mourn what used to be the love shared. They let it go and even though they still may be sleeping next to your every night, their sleeping with her every other afternoon.

This contract that marriage has become limits households. Love and respect is bartered for economic stability or the simple means in which to "look the part". I think people need to realize marriage isn't for everyone! There's nothing wrong with shacking up. Let's be real, you've been having sex with he or she for months and God didn't approve of that. So why deface his union and add a title to something that you really dont want. You dont have to enter into this union if you dont believe that you can uphold GOD's definition of the word.

1a4e3...

2010-04-12T11:26:00.001-04:00

Ever have a person that no matter what, then can put a smile on your face? You can be mid argument and their presence and the manner in which they speak to you, can suddenly soothe you to the point where nothing else even matters. They're like your alter ego, the things you lack.. they possess. Your friendship is one that is not easily understood, but at the end of the day you'd both be there for one another at the most trying of times. A person that, no matter how wrong it may be, they have a piece of you that sometimes you want back... but realistically its embedded in them. You can try to fight the feelings that you have, but some how.. like gravity they pull you back to their core every time. The worst is when at times no matter how much you both try, you just cant find the words to express how you both feel. Even if you did, you have to wonder, would it even matter. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. You both reminisce on how in a another life things would be so perfect, but in this life... sometimes you just have to play with the hand your dealt. So for those time when words and lyrics just cant seem to put together the thoughts in my mind, I simply think....

♥ I loved you once, I love you still, I always have, I always will ♥

xoxo,

Kelz

Ok, Im done being mushy for the day -we off that- ;o)

#MusicMonday

2010-04-12T11:04:00.001-04:00

Mary J. Blige- Take Me As I Am

"So take me as I am, or have nothing at all..."

Today's Music Monday is an ALL TIME favorite of mine. Anybody who knows me, knows the past few months have been a roller coaster. Between friends, fam, and just life in general.. Ive gone through a lot of things and have grown with them. Ive learned you cant please everybody, nor should you try. And though things are not perfect, I'm at a stage in my life where things are just fine for me.

Mary's Take Me As I Am , encompasses the general life that many females undergo. Be it being spoken negatively about, bad relationships, not being happy with one's self, overall pressure of keeping up what people perceive you to be, etc etc etc. Nonetheless, the song shows how a woman prevails through it all. I remember sitting in my dorm room in college and singing this song at the top of my lungs every time I realized something new in my life. Sometimes all you can be is you, so they can take you as you are.. or have nothing at all.

You have to reach the point where, your on solid ground, you've been lost and found. Now, you answer to G-O-D. You have to be confident, to know that this is not the end. Ask me how I know...

Cause she is me.

" True strength is, keeping everything together..... when everyone expects you to fall apart."

Shoe Porn

2010-04-03T22:27:00.001-04:00

So while randomly on Twitter this evening, one of my favorite tweeters @brookandthecity RT some true FLY GIRL SHIT. This Gianmarco Lorenzi Swarvoski encrusted pump is ~~ORGASMIC~~, simply delightful. Everything from the slim heel to the double platform SCREAMS sickening. Believed to be priced at $2800.00, I wont be picking these up :O(. Nonetheless, to see them was pleasurable enough.

I'm sure some other brand will attempt to do a cheaper knockoff version, but NOTHING will compare to what you see before you. Shoe Porn at its finest...

Such a Mama's Girl

2010-03-22T11:33:00.001-04:00

The past few weeks I have been constantly asking the question, "Why?!". For various reasons my sense of clarity has been as clear as the skies on a stormy day. My problem is that I over analyze, but I believe recently God is trying to deliver a message that for some reason, I'm over looking. I've been praying a lot lately and I asked for him to get me back to where I was 6 months ago. To the point where I'm reading the bible daily and just more involved with the positives in my life. Well, ask and thy shall recieve, but not always the way you expect. Not only did God find a way to bring me back to my faith, but to humble me in ways that I never imagined.

This past Saturday my mother was admitted back into the hospital. Those who know me, know that my mom has been facing some health concerns for quite some time, but things have taken a stormy path for the past two years. When we think we have one thing under control, something else pops up. Nonetheless, this recent situation has put me into a different state of mind. Though we have had many scares in the past, this was the first time my mother had to be intubated and placed on a ventilator. I wish my thoughts and my current mental state on no person, not even my biggest foe. Its one thing to see a parent ill, but another to see them physically restrained, unconscious, and hooked up to machines. To see them become slightly coherent and attempt to pull the tubes from their own throat. And yet to see this happen to the person who is the most important figure in your life. To see your hero incoherent.

Being a health care worker, I'm quite knowledgeable in the protocols of patient care. I know certain questions and procedures are standard, but I think what hit me hard this past weekend was when I was asked to bring in a copy of my mothers Living Will. I know why they want it; she's in ICU on certain machines, its standard. But for a brief moment I let go of all previous training and instead of remembering standard protocol, I began to think of the worse. I began to ask why all over again. My mother is the type of person who ALWAYS puts people before her, she always has a helping hand extended (now you know where I get it from.) For such things to be happening, it puzzles me. Why are the good punished?

You see the devil has a way of magnifying our biggest fears, when our faith is being tested. I had to think back to the Story of Job in the Bible. Job was a more devout servant then I, but God put him through the works to prove to the devil that his faith could not be compromised. It took two friends to remind me that prayer changes everything. I walk by FAITH, not by sight. Saying I "COMPLETELY" understand everything that's going on right now would be like saying, "I see said the blind man, to the deaf son." But I do know, my mother is strong, as am I. Granted I was bruised this weekend, but I was not broken. God finds ways to humble you and remind you that your faith in him prevails over everything. So with that said I will, "Trust in the LORD, with all my heart; and lean not on my own understanding" (Proverb 3:5).

SB: To everyone who has been checking in on me, THANK YOU. Please know that if I become distant, that I'm not trying to be "funny" or "sometimey". Sometimes the best way for me to handle things, is by myself (and possibly with a bottle... if that becomes the case. PLEASE STOP ME.) I appreciate you all.

Kelly

(Pic: My Mom, God-Mother and I, the day I graduated with my Masters degree)

2 Tears in a bucket... So Fuck It...

2010-03-12T00:47:00.000-05:00

Yea..this pretty much sums it up for a while...Kelly is currently, ... emotionally closed to the public until further notice.

I've realized it doesn't matter what you do and how nice you are.. The nice guy always finishes last. While the grimy and self-righteous prosper. I know God has a time-line for everything, but right now..I'm just spending to many days asking why. I'm thankful for the things Ive been blessed with and my general day to day activities. And maybe I'm just being selfish right now and ungrateful, but I just dont get it. I dont get why there are some who are genuinely kind-hearted and try at various aspects be it love, friendship... anything...but fate seems to constantly throw shitty situations or scandelous people their way. But those who lie, cheat, and could care less.. seem to get a pass.

I know karma is a bish.. and she forgets no one... but I honestly just don't get it anymore.. and I'm tired of trying.... SO fuck it.

Fucked Up Situation...

2010-03-11T00:13:00.001-05:00

"How could you...No matter what you thought we was...Just throw around the word called love"

I think we've all had that relation/situationship that you just couldn't explain. You know, that we're together, we're not.. I like him/her butttttt its not that deep. That "crazy, sexy, cool" moment where everything is sweet. Then all of a sudden you fall into your feelings and you cant climb out. The words don't come as easy anymore, the feelings are becoming hard to hide. "I wish you understood how I feel cause these words is real." In your mind its still all fun and games, but somewhere in there your heart missed that memo. "I wish there was one of those moments in it..I could break and just laugh..But it was too serious to take what I had.. I mean what I had was deep...Its still deep... but damn..Its sad to see how one weekend could be like damn..."

Come on, I know you've been there before? That situation where you're like "See I cant, have this type of relation...Hes my man.....Or, hes my nigga....Or, hes my ..." Damn I don't even know anymore. Now your heart is fluttering.. or maybe your just uneasy. You want to speak on it, but how? "Try to understand..Please pa, honesty is the plan..And I don't mean Please pa, begging with my hands...I mean like Please pa, I got feelings, DAMN!!"

"See, I know what you're facing... This fucked up situation...And maybe he might like me
Or may even dislike me... And baby its just hard to see..But you would love me anyway?"
...RIGHT?!?!...

Now your spidey senses is kicking it. Shit that didn't used to bother you, now has you struggling to cope. He talking to who, they did what? Whateva, he/she isn't mine, I don't care. -_- . Things you would normally let go, now its a problem. As humans we often look for things that we don't really want to know. "Yea I know I was wrong too...I made the wrong move. I went and looked through something that belonged to you. And I found out something, I was all confused. Mixed emotions coming, feeling all abused. Shocked when I read who you was calling boo?"

Trying to keep your cool, but why are you feeling this way. It was just suppose to be, "it is what it is". But words and emotions got involved. Love? .Damn that's a word that carries a lot of weight.. Am I strong enough to carry it? Now you asking me whats wrong. Am I OK to flip?. "How could you, no matter what you thought we was..Just throw around the word called... l-o-v-e."

"See, I know what you're facing... This fucked up situation...And maybe he might like me
Or may even dislike me... And baby its just hard to see..But you would love me anyway?"

...RIGHT!?!?!?!

Man they dont get it. It's a struggle, do you trust your heart or your mind. Wait.. how did my heart even become an option in this? "That's exactly how it is, exactly what I'm talking about. Exactly where it'll end up.."... after all of that, "I'm walking out." It started so small, now you've giving your all, they don't get it though. You don't know "how many times I've hung up, when I'm dying to call." "Try to dial his numbers, and you start with the first four." "When you get to seven, your heart beat like you're eleven." They don't understand...I know I'm still trying to learn my lesson, still trying to figure it out.. that's when Moscato and the Cuervo visit.

The whole time they thinking everything is fine. Come on ladies, "I ain't the only one

Chicks be going through it. Niggas don't understand, we be borderline losing it."

"And these feelings is real.. so like i said in the first line I wish you understood how i feel.... for real..." ....it's just a fucked up situation

Et Tu Brutus...Et Tu!... Twitter: Home of the Hypocrites

2010-03-10T14:24:00.001-05:00

This will be brief... I just find it amusing that I constantly get on twitter and see people kissing the asses of the people they TALK ABOUT in real life. Like what's so fucked up about yourself, that you cant stay true. How last week that person wasn't shit, now yall BFF's. Or last week he/she was a poser, now u need a napkin to wipe your nose off? I just don't get it. Out of the same lying mouths you curse these people, you rant about being so real and direct. Once again, "I dont recognize either of your faces" (@TheNakedHustler).
Lawd, I wish someone would turn the lights on, cause some of you deceitful bitches have been plotting in the dark for way to long... no worries... I'll wait.

Letter To Me Ex... Te extrano. Suenos dulces, resto en paz.

2010-03-10T13:02:00.004-05:00

A couple of months ago Twitter had a trending topic (which I normally don't participate in) called #LetterToMyEx. After reading woman and men bash their ex's with reminiscent of lies, bad sex, betrayal, infidelity, amongst NUMEROUS other things, I began to think. At almost 26, I can say I've only had 3 "REAL" relationships and 1 "Situationship" that really mattered to me. I don't consider every person I ever talked to my bf.. they were at times... just someone who was a friend.. or served a purpose.. be it emotionally or sexually (no im not a hoe, but let's not be candid to the fact that woman use men for sex as well.)

While watching the tweets pile up my eyes started to swell, cus at that moment out of all of the people who ever tried to talk to me, or that I even dated, only TWO came to mind. The first, well that person is my "situationship" better known as my Alter Ego. This person, honestly words cant seem to describe, so maybe I'll share that another time. The second was an actual ex-bf. When most write that letter to their ex, they usually pick their first love. Well my first love broke my heart, like many other females. That story is the same, nothing to even give air to breathe. My #LetterToMyEx was directed to the guy I looked over. I say that in the sense I never really took him serious. In my eyes we were meant to be friends, our maturity levels were NEVER parallel. Nonetheless, no matter how many times we lost contact, he always came back into my life. I met Jason when I was 12 and our first encounter resembled the rest of our childhood relationship...a JOKE. While being his normal prankster self, Jay paged me (wrong #) one day randomly. "Who is this paging me at 5:30 in the morning ..crack of dawn and...." Well actually it was like 10:30am, in the summer.. and for a kid that equates to the same. When dialing the number back we realized that in fact we did not know each other and I was quite prepared to leave it at that and hang up. Lol not Jason, he stayed on the phone for an hour as we talked about where we were from (CAMDEN STAND UP!!! :O) ).. and numerous pointless things. After meeting and getting to know one another Jason and I started dating for a while, but lets be real,we were young.. in fact he younger then I. So it was short lived.

Nonetheless we remained friends we began real relationships with other people and no matter what, we always would be a phone call away. Throughout my rough relationship in high school, Jason was always there. He always tried to convince me that I was the one for him. By this time he had become a hoe and me being the good girl I was at the time, wast trying to leave my "safe relationship" be it bad or not, for a dude who was messing round with every chick. No matter how many times he told me it would be different with me, I was smart enough to know.. they ALL say that. My senior year of high school I separated from my "First Love" for a while.. and Jason all of a sudden was front and center. As I walked across the stage after receiving my diploma, I gave my mother a hug and off to the corner was Jason waiting for me. By this time, he started to act up in life, so a family member of mine became his mentor. Jason stood in full Marine Boot Camp attire (as he had received special permission to be at my graduation and had to leave right after). As I walked up to him, he told me he was proud of me.. that I had did it... That we would make it. Just as simple as our relationship had started years ago, he kissed me (in front of ALL of the fam) and told me he had to go, but he'd call me as soon as he could. My summer consisted of writing back and forth with Jason every wk. As I began my first year of college I fell back into My first love's grasp, so when Jason came calling I wasn't to beat. Though we would randomly still have outings, they were apart of the friendship

In all reality we weren't meant to be in my eyes.. but then again I was blinded. Jason remained my friend and for years after our bond grew. Our families became intertwined and his mother would continuously refer to me as the one who got away and tell him how stupid he was. For a good year, Jason and I did not speak and in that time he fathered a beautiful little girl Jayln. Jay chose not to tell me about her, but while visiting his mother one day, I had the pleasure of meeting the little girl who looked just like him, green eyes and all. Little did I know, not even 6 months later, Jason would be murdered for something as stupid as a bar fight by a 17 year old KID. The moment I found out via TEXT, I low-key broke down. I prayed that it wasn't true. Not because I had suddenly realized I wanted to be with him, but because Jason was a GREAT person... There was NEVER a day he didn't look out for me. Be it the purchase of car so I could get back and forth to school or a phone call in the middle of the night when the boyfriend was acting a damn fool. So with that said.. .

#MyLetterToMyEx:

Dear Jay,

I never thought the day would come where you weren't here. We were supposed to grow up, take care of business and watch our children grown. You were supposed to forever be the fool I called when things were hectic, to make me laugh at the corniest shit. You were the one who was supposed to remind me like you always did of how great and beautiful I was and to stop "letting this wack ass nigga get over". I never truly gave you the chance you deserved, but you never gave up on me. You focused your love into being a good friend when I needed. For that I will FOREVER be thankful. As we approach your birthday, there are moments when thoughts of you overcome me and I miss you. The Spring will be here soon and in attempts to keep myself together as I visit your grave, the fact that you are buried less then 20ft away from the most important man in my life (My God-Father); reminds me of how important you really are. So at this time when everybody is bashing their ex... I write to you, a person who taught me that all guys aren't bad and that someone had the ability to love me, even when I didn't know how to love myself. Thanks Papi.

Te extrano. Suenos dulces, resto en paz.

Te Amo,

Your "Wardie 4 Life",
Beba

Thank You...

2010-03-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

Nothing of great importance to share.. I have a couple of things I want to write about... but time is not truly permitting right now. Nonetheless, something I did want to share, was the simple fact that I'm BLESSED. Sometimes we get so thrown off by the little things, that we forget everyday we open our eyes, we are receiving the greatest gift there is...LIFE. I complain often when things don't go the way I want, when I loose people that I genuinely care about, when situations seem to get the best of me. Sometimes you have to realize there are no TRUE blessings without a testimony. Trials and tribulations are what make us the people we are. Though we may not understand it at the time.. Everything happens for a reason, nothing by chance or season. So with that said, I just want to tell GOD, that I'm thankful. I know I'm not the best that I can be , but you love me despite it all and you continue to hold my hand on this trip called life.....

Thank You......

A Moments Thought....

2010-03-08T16:36:00.007-05:00

...Behind every BITCH!!!....

...is the man who made her that way!...
#justsaying :O)

"Sometimes I Forget... to Forget About You!"

2010-03-04T16:02:00.016-05:00

-@Kiadelis

Today's moment of thought comes from one of my favorite movies, Baby Boy. I know you're probably thinking, "What could be so inspirational from that movie?" The first time I saw the movie I was currently dating my 1st love. Now at least 5 years after that (off and on 7 year) relationship ended, I realize I still fall, I fall hard... and it always seems to be for the wrong person... There always comes a point where I feel like I've been stupid to give my heart up once again.

Then I remember.....

"You ain't stupid. You're just in love with a man.
When you in love with a man, he can make you feel high.
So high you just be in outer space. But a man can also
make you feel low. Real low. And he can keep you there.
Keep you down, if you let him. Don't even worry about feeling
used. It's just temporary. Everyone gets used.
Men use women, women use men. Just face the fact you're going
to be used.

If you feel so used, you ain't got nothing left...
...if the man ain't giving you the energy you need
to love his ass...even when he's acting like a bastard...

you need to let it go. If you ain't got

nothing to give yourself... you wont have it to give to him....."

-Jodi's mom to Yvette

I've been going back and forth in a situation for the past few years that has my heart torn. Ive come to the point that I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, it's never good enough and truth be told nothing will ever change. That feeling can truly fuck with a persons head, but currently I realize.. I have nothing left to give. So what exactly am I holding on to? The saying, "The person that cares the least controls the relationship." is 100% true. For some reason God forgot to program me with the "Dont Care So Much" button. Then again I'm over analytical with everything I do, but sometimes its not meant to be figured out. So now I sit here with tears in my eyes, asking the same question. "What are you holding on to?..the emotions..or the memories..? ...Most of the time..... its just a memory.....and for that, "I'm sleeping with a broken heart."

Baby Boy Script (2001)

#MusicMonday

2010-02-22T22:20:00.001-05:00

Mariah Carey- I Wish You Well

"Maybe when you're cursing me. You don't feel so incomplete..But we've all made mistakes
Felt the guilt and self-hate"

I'll keep this short since I have written a lot this week. I heard this song for the first time in 2008 while going through a situation with a friend and it immediately captured my heart. We've all gone through a time where you finally stop worying about the words of others. At some point, all you can do is "WISH THEM WELL" because truly something in them is lacking and they dont even see it. Sometimes I have to play it over again every so often just to remember that you cant help how others act; but you can always stay true to your OWN true form. The sun will eventually shed light on all things. So the more you curse me... the more you bless me!

"Do good to those who curse you
Pray for those who mistreat you
Psalms 129:2
They have greatly oppressed me from my youth
But they have not gained victory over me"

I wish you well.... I wish you well.... I wish you well...

I Ain't on the Fence About It... I Ain' Mr. Feeny..

2010-02-22T13:15:00.005-05:00

My name is Kellz...

And I aint perfect....

But I work hard...

So I deserve it.

And I belong...

Right where you see me...

I aint on the fence about it.. I ain't Mr. Feeny

Actually, I take that back, I was probably one of the biggest fence riders till recently. My last post was ummm... yeah ... very emotional... very messy... very to the point, yet still respectful (~~respectful enough not to blast names or attached screen prints of actual conversations~~). I'm not a messy person, but I dont regret the post and I stick by every word, so because of that I wont be taking it down. Nonetheless, more then 24 hours after.. I'm woman enough to say I learned a great lesson from this whole ordeal. I'm real enough (despite the rumors lol) to admit exactly my faults in this situation.

When you attempt to the ride the fence, eventually you wont be welcomed on either side. Now dont get me wrong, I dont mean riding the fence and being grimy to two different parties. In this case I mean when you attempt to stay out of certain situations, you cant be wishy washy about it. You cant just refuse to engage, but do nothing to stop the negative behavior. This was my problem, I refused to participate, but did nothing to correct the persons behavior. Though I attempted to warn other parties, I was not stern enough in my methods. Pretty much I bitched out. In doing so, I allowed myself to in-fact become part of the problem.

This whole ordeal taught me, that there is no half-stepping, you either have to go full force, or step the hell away. Realistically theres no such thing as being "NEUTRAL" in a dispute. Because even when in neutral your still moving...you're just not going anywhere.. and you can't reverse to fix the mistakes. So with that said, I have stepped off of the fence (Thank you to those who helped me the past few days). I realize that if I would have been upfront with one of the parties about the fuckery going on from the begining the situation would have never been flipped. So in fact I played a major part in this outcome.

For the foolishness that is going on now... well lets just say I agree with RuPaul, " What other people think of me, is none of my business!". I could sit here and continue to stress about the tarnishing of my charecter, but realistically why give it air to breathe. Why feed into it. In life you realize that every betrayal begins with trust. "My existence isn't based on your validation...Life goes on" (Necole Bitchie). The lies that are commencing currently are not being told to my mother, pastor, best friend, or even the individual currently processing the loan for my new home. So realistically, it only affects me if I let it. On another hand, if individuals can jump on a bandwagon then clearly we wasnt that cool from gate. As Brook Lynne Carter says, "What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth." People if you havent seen it first hand, or ever had that issue with a person then go for what you know. Think of how many people may have defriended you based on some bull they heard. At the end of the day, those who mind..DON'T MATTER, and those who matter.. don't mind.

"People will accuse you of all types of shit. there is no pleasing everyone. so you have to know where you stand, in the midst of bullshit" (Brian Davis, @BlackSocialite). When its all said and done, "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." I must say, trying to be something your not, will only result in your downfall. Eventually all parties involved as well as others who don't even know that they are involved will see a trend. Things will start to make sense and the lies will surface. Trust JUST OBSERVE!!! Who would have ever thought.. I had a real life Natalie (Bad Girls Club) in my life. Problem is you don't run shit.. especially not me. So I rebuke your words and your negativity. I thought I had to go around and fix the bs that had been created. But why do I need to prove anything to anyone. I don't owe anyone, but myself anything. Eventually karma will make a full circle and everything done in the dark will shine as bright as the sun on a new found day. Always remember, "You really don't lose friends, you just kind of discover who your real friends are" (Rev Run).

"Know who is in your life for a reason and those who are only there for a season. Appreciate them for what they are and expect nothing more" (Kiange Kemp, @KiaDelis)

so on this new Music Monday, I mark this as a "Lesson Learned" (A. Keys)..and I no longer "Feel It In the Air" (Where it all began).

Bitches & Flies ... both I do Despise

2010-02-19T21:44:00.005-05:00

disclaimer: This will probably be the longest post you'll ever see on my blog. There will be bad grammer, profanity, and misspelled words. But its just how i felt at the time.. So ehhh.. Eitha Love Me or LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!

Any body who knows me in real life knows that I'm pretty much easy to get along with. I'm far from perfect, but also Ive done enough wrong and have had enough wrong done to me.. to strive to be and do better. Nonetheless, I can honestly say at most times, I'm a sucker. I'll admit it. I dont mean to be and I sure as hell dont want to be, but my heart rules every desicion I make. Even when I know its a bad one. I try to be friendly to everyone, because I know how it feels to feel like you have no one. This last trait has gotten me into a lot of trouble, but realistically if I didnt possess it, I wouldnt be me. I'm Kelly, highly emotional, creative, always a listening ear, motivational, the first one to lend a helping hand, ummm slightly crazy, partially dramatic, loyal (because I know the feeling of betrayal), and genuinely an all around TOO nice individual.

Recently Ive tried to be nice about a few issues going on with people who were SUPPOSED to be friends. I use that word lightly because I try to be friends with everybody. #FAIL.. I know you can not please everyone... but I try... yeah shoot me. Lesson Learned... I been on y fuck it lately. Nonetheless, with me still being very respectful about the situation, I keep hearing my name brought up. I'd be lieing if I said this didnt bother me. And its not because its true, its just because.. I offered you enough respect not to blast your ass.. but you want to recruit for your #TEAMBULLSHIT. LOL man if u have to go around and discuss ME with others.. instead of discussing it WITH ME.. then ur a fake BITCH.. I'm easy to find ..easier to talk to... when u try to recruit others based on fallacies make sure their loyalty is granted to you and you alone...

I have YET to bring someone into the equation that was not already there, yet I have multiple individuals come back to me with this nonscense. I DO NOT want to be messy.... im not a snitch... BUT DONT PUSH ME... fuck it I think you've pushed enough.

Before you go and talk that shit, lets point out a few things. Ive NEVER.. not once spoke ill will of ANY of you. Yet... you have spoken ill will of each other. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT... You want to say I changed... hmmm lets put together the pieces. We all cool, some more then others. Im protective of my friends, but regardless I'm always there for everyone. To my own fault.. I'm a fence straddler. I dont like to pick sides especially when shit aint got nothing to do with me.

So, NO .. I wont talk about her with you. No I wont reply to your text or DM's bout certain situations. Thats fine you tell me I'm being to nice and I'm corny. Oh whats that... you want to post twitvids of bitches shaking they ass all in the camera. OOOOO wait she didnt know he had that. DAMN HOMIE... nah .. dont do that. Damn you daring him to expose your friend like that.. Thats whats up.***NOTE: UMMM how would i know about the video..(u booty shaking in the camera with the boy shorts and smiles.. if im lieing.. wasnt that private... wasnt that something only u and him shared..o wait u didnt know he was recording u on ICHAT... hmmm ..these ya friends tho right******

....Moving Along...

Ahhhh we going back and forth now... I'm trying to put you D. Cause a good friend not gonna sit there and let you look dumb. Shorty I think you need to let that go or sit down and have a talk. Oh you think I'm wildin. You still gonna do you.. aight but I'm not talking for nothing mama.. I really think you need to chill and let that go... Oh I'm jelouse now.. I'm just trying to be down... What exactly am I jelouse of. Everything yall got.. I been had since I was 20. Aight whateva I'mma let that be.

....Moving Along...

Damn, so he tryna talk to who... but wait.. you know her and such and such are cool. Why you even trying to set that up. Nah chill .. yall both wrong for that... oh you dont care.. I understand thats ya fam..but thats also ya friend yo. man im not in it
:::NEXT DAY::: Yo I think you need to let that shit go.. something not right about it.. I dont think you and him want the same things... Oh i dont know what yall discuss. I dont know how yall are when we not around. Aight ma you right ok.

....Moving Along...

::Phone Rings:: Wassup... yo.. chill.. aight i understand.. but chill... _____ is not the place for that type of shit.. Please just pick up the phone and call. I know but she not even talkin bout u.. she talkin bout him.. ::hangs Up..Dials Next #:: Yo chill out.. we all grown that is not the place to discuss that shit.. yea.. yea.. i know...I understand you should be abl to express what you want.. Aight ma I get it but please just pick up the phone and call her ....yall.. we're too good of friends for this..So stop.. aight? true.. aight we'll talk later.

....Moving Along...

Man yo dont you think such and such is so fake. Like doesnt she try to sound like Amber Rose... Ummm nah .. shes from ___ I think thats just how she sounds. Nah i think shes jocking her style. Umm nah i dontthink so but aight... ::logs on twitter and sees:: "@_____ hey boo ow you doing...." UMMMM bitch wasnt u just doggin her on the phone to me... aight whateve... ... "Oh girl let me tell u bout.. she a hoe... she not really our age she like 19 and hoe..." ..lol oh for real... damn... i mean oh well.. she got a hustle.. I respect that. "No shes just fuckin everybody"...I dont care she funny as shit.. so to each is own. "WTF Kelly here you go with that nice shit again" o_O

::Next Day:: Yo did you talk to ol girl and get thagt worked out. "Nah fuck her"... ummm lol wow ok.. well yall just need to talk and im not tryin to hear it... so yeah... "Oh u just dont wanna put up with her fuckery you know she been lyign the whole time it was never what she said i was between them". Yeah things not adding up from both sides but man im not in it .. i dont wanna know anymore..."AHHHH you always not in it.. stop being so nice Kelly... shit"

At this point somebodies "friend" and dude blowing up my phone and BBM all the time talking bout how chiclks is lieing and crazy.. again Kelly says lol yall stupid.. I'm goin to try and talk to her.. but i dont wanna be in it.

....Moving Along...

RANDOM CALL: yo you good? yeah y.. nah well ____ hit me up takin bout ... WHAT!!! y didnt they just come to me... aight true .. thanks

Bigger Person Sucks it Up (makes that.. lets talk call):

The real reason everybody mad... my mom went into the hospital on Christmas Day with breathing problems. My mother almost died last year. So when it comes to talkin to people about her.. I DONT. ANY REAL FRIEND knows.. I fall back.. and i collect my thoughts.. cus my mom is realistically my everything. During this time.. I communicated via text or twitter. No one knew my mom was in the hospital not even my best friend until the day after. I was then accused of being a some-timey friend because I wouldnt let people in when I needed them. I was told that wasnt what they had signed up for. I was told they were mad I could jump on a plain to any state and chill wit ppl but i couldnt talk to them... UMMMM if uve read the above...ud undertsand the break needed...., but moving along.. I still decided to be the bigger person...

Man im calling cause I care... so whats up... aight your right i was in the wrong.. I had some shit goin on .. Mom dukes in the hospital.. we dont know whats gonna happen.. Not dealing with that well.. kind of pulled back.. I should have done better with keepin in touch but i didnt. I'm sorry.. we good now... Good thats whats up.. ....... ::does better w/ phone calls... does better wit text:: wait but now u talkin bout me behind my back....

this is only the half of it... AND YOU WONDER WHY THE FUCK I FELL BACK... if I sat through the past 3 months.. of filtering bs between the group.. what makes me think you wont talk shit bout me..(oops already happened). One of yall wanna go around throwing subliminal shit ... but boo YOU IN THE DARK.. cause i been tryna hold u down since day MUTHA FUCKIN 1. and you shit on me...You forget when you were upset wit dude it was me you were callin and me tellin you to yo chill maybe you need to reevaluate this. There was never jelousy there.. why would there be.. I knew he was fuckin chicks the whole time. I tried to put you D. but u believed everybody else. Others are just laughing... talkin about everybody. So yeah I fell back.. yeah I started acting different.. Cause who wants to listen to the same bs every day. Who wants to keep trying to tell 1 person stop talkin bout such and such.. and the other person nah chill back yo.. for real.. You coming at my neck but wtf you doing with ya life.

If I wanted to really blast the real culprit I could have but i didnt.. and hell yeah I just got messy. But again.. I never brought anyone into it. But you wanna try to spread propaganda. Before you tell someone how Kelly is acting.. Make sure you realize Kelly had your back from day 1. When bitches was low key shittin on you and will low key shit on you again. To the others who wanna ask others if they mad at Kelly to?? WTF THEY GOT TO BE MAD AT ME FOR...Only thing i did was take care of home when needed... and didnt play into your fuckery.

If that makes me the bad guy thats whats up... If others are not gonna talk to me now for it.. Hey on the real... REAL BITCHES FUCK WITH ME.. and you dont have to. People need to realize there is definitely 3 sides to every story. I'm not sayin i was perfect in this situation, but I am saying I not once ever came at somebodies neck or disrespected them. One person start feeding yall a bunch of lies and yall all jump on the bandwagon..Crazy thing is... person talks bout yall like a dog..~~Bless the lord for aim archive and the ability of the iphone to save ALL text.~~ TO EACH IS OWN.. but learn how to think for yourself. Funny thing.. my number still aint change.. but chicks discuss me amongst themselves but not to me.. and never have...MIND YOU I HAVE CALLED THEM..smh. So nah you not real for that. Your still on your bitch shit. I'd be lieing if I said I didnt write this post cause i was mad... But more so because I was hurt. I'm not the type to not care what people think of me.. And those of you who say you dont, you're lieing to yourself. Somewhere in you, when you know you've done no wrong.. shit like this would make your blood boil. I hate to say I'm waiting for Karma to surface on this situation... but I am. There's only so long you can treat people this way or lie on others... Karma is a bitch.. and she remembers EVERYBODY by heart... I wish no ill will on anyone.. but I anticipate the day natures balance catches up with people like this.

Either way... “I will not lose for even in defeat, there's a valuable lesson learned so it evens up for me.” .. Lesson learned.. Bitches and flies... both i do despise... Everybody aint ya friend... and everybody wont take the time to think for their self..

these niggas is haters! . ... and i made myself so easy to love- Hov